Poems for my son, Carmen (r.i.p.)

I wrote these poems a few weeks after my son died in 2008.  Honestly, some days are just better than others.





Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.

Positive no matter what.


Dear Reader:

I was thinking on the topic of people who have a positive perspective.  It seems like maybe there are people who might think that the reason other people can be upbeat and positive is because they have it easy.  Those people might say to themselves, “Geez, if that person had my health issues or my financial problems (etc.), he or she would never be able to keep that positive attitude.  Just let him stand in my shoes, and we’ll see how upbeat he can be.”

So I thought about this and something interesting occurred to me.  I don’t think that positive people are positive because they are spared obstacles or challenges, they are positive because they are confident that no matter what happens in their lives they will find and/or create solutions and options for themselves.  They make things happen.  This requires a strong mind and positive people know this. I think no matter what happens in their lives they are able to keep focused and find things to be grateful for.  For instance, instead of being devastated and depressed over losing a job, the positive person will absolutely recognize the challenge, maybe even initially be anxious about it, but rather than being consumed with despair they are disciplined and direct their focus toward being hopeful about how the change creates now possibilities and potentials and rather than blaming anyone else for the problem, they are grateful for whatever opportunity comes from it.

It might also be true that because positive people focus on positive, hopeful things the quality of their lives is more uplifting and positive and since the quality of their lives is more uplifting and positive they are able to find more things to be upbeat about.  It’s a win win.   Similarly, this concept works in the same way for those people who are negative, too.  If they focus on negative things then they’ll be more aware of negative things consequently they’ll find more negative things to focus on.  The quality of their lives will be negative.  It’s a loose loose.

Although it is a bit more complex than simply choosing a focus, a major component of staying positive is choosing to be so.

I know this (and hopefully you do, too) from my own life and how I’ve chosen to move myself forward from tragedies and challenges.  Although there have been times in my life when events have thrust me into doubt and despair, I never-the-less turn my focus to find my lamp of hope to light my way.  I do pray a lot (and I mean throughout every single day).  I ask for help from God or just throw the request out to the universe.  I am constantly aware of things to be grateful for; all of which helps keeps me centered and balanced.

(Peace, Love, Joy)

Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.

MY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION: I am good enough!

My New Year’s resolution is different than anything I’ve ever attempted before.  It’s about adding a very simple phrase into my life.  The phrase is:

This phrase is absolutely going to change my life!  (and maybe change yours. too)

This is how the phrase came into my life:  I was kneeling and praying under the full moon last week, feeling completely surrounded and engulfed by the universe in the awareness of oneness.  My breathing was slow and gentle and with each breath it felt like I was breathing in and out the fullness of the oneness.  I was the oneness.  My arms stretched out to accompany the rhythm of my breathing  The words that followed were, “I am love.”  But then this changed to: “I am the love.”  I suppose the change of the words could be similar to saying, “I am the love I see in the world.” or “I am the love I want to see in the world.”
Thinking on this for a while it dawned on me that for as long as I could remember my spirit has been fully aware of and cooperating with this awareness of oneness.  Even as a young child I felt the nearness of God and my connectedness to all of creation. However, I could feel the oneness but I never
connected any words to this spiritual experience.  It was just kind of 
indescribable and impossible to relate to on a human level, never mind with words.    

At the same time, up until now
I could always speak the words “we are love,”  yet, I never really connected the phrase with the experience of oneness so the meaning was lost and relatively empty. 

Now, I can connect the experience of oneness to words.  This is a magnificent new level of awareness.  It changes me forever.  

I woke up from a sound sleep tonight repeating the words, “I Am,” pause, “The Love.”   I’ve decided that my New Year’s resolution is to change all of my inner dialogue to only repeating this simple phrase.  You see, dear reader, I have to admit that my self-talk (the dialogue we all have inside our own minds), is almost exclusively negative, doubtful and self-loathing regarding my physical appearance and my intelligence.  For example, when I look in the mirror, this is my self-talk: “Wow, I am getting old.”  “Omg, just look at how much my body is changing.”  “I need a facelift.”  “I need to exercise more.”  “I am fat.”  “I am gross.”  I am ugly.”  “My hair looks nasty.”  “God, my circles are so dark.”  “How can I cover up everything I hate?”  etc., etc., etc.  I also find myself constantly calling myself names like, “stupid” and “retarded” and “crazy” and “idiot.”

It’s funny you know, when I see a picture of myself, I think, “Oh wow, I look pretty there.”  I swear though, this is not the same person I see when I look in the mirror.  It confuses me because of course I know that I am the person in the picture.  Regardless however of what I perceive of the picture, my perception of myself is not a good one.  There is a serious disconnect in my thoughts between my perception of the pure enlightened soul which dwells in my body and how I perceive my human self.  I have finally been granted the awareness to recognize this disconnect.  This awareness is knowledge and knowledge is power.  This knowledge gives me the power to change my life.  My New Year’s resolution is to  never again engage in negative self-talk.  I will replace it with the beautiful, eternal words, “I AM THE LOVE.” 

I guess it really comes down to constantly feeling like I am not good enough.  I don’t think I look “good enough” nor do I think I can think “good enough.”  How or why I ever developed this low sense of self-worth is not important at this stage in my life.  All I know is that I have a totally unrealistic perception of myself and that it is my responsibility to myself to rebuild my self image.   

You see, everything in our reality is a direct reflection of what we emanate from ourselves.  Our reality is simply a mirror image of what we perceive within us.  Therefore, the love I want to see in the world is a direct reflection of how much love I perceive toward my own self.   Let the love I want to see in the world begin with me.  

I hope you will try this, too.  From this day forward make a vow to listen to your inner voice and really try and hear the words.  Create the person you want to be, one phrase at a time. 

PeLoJo to all
(PEace LOve JOy)     

(P.S. it is now two days later, and I’ve been using this phrase a lot.  I really think it is going to change my life.)



Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.