I am a singer/songwriter/writer at the present time. However, for almost 50 years my life and my world revolved around two abusive men (my father and my husband). This was my life ever since I was born. I never knew there could be anything other than this way of life either. I just assumed this was the way everyone lived. I really had no idea how or the courage to free myself from any of it. My father died in 2008 and so I am free now of his abuse and also my son died in 2008, and these two events were the catalyst for my finally getting free from my husband. Now I live peacefully by myself, healing from a lifetime of trauma. I have yet to learn to trust or what it means to have someone love me without hurting me.
Funny, now how the tables have turned for me because of my music and through the internet, now my “whole world” really is the whole world rather than just my husband. Now, from this new viewpoint, it amazes me how narrow (or maybe innocent) my perspective was. I am also amazed at how much power and authority I entrusted to just one single person in a sea of 7 billion. It really amazes me looking back at this now. I will never do this again. I have entrust my own self with power and authority in my life.
I was in a relationship with my husband for 36 years, from the age of 14 until three years ago. He was my husband for 28 years. Although there were things about him that I loved, for the most part he was a violent, angry, arrogant person with me, yet I stayed with him all those years. I loved him, or I thought I did. We also had a family together and a business. It was the only kind of love I knew. I take responsibility for the fact that I did stay, though. I don’t blame him or anyone.
I don’t really know if he is violent now that we are not together (maybe it was just with me). I am in the process of writing a book about my life, which consisted of an abusive childhood and subsequent abusive marriage.
I was a guest of Suzanne Perry on the “Global Forum On Domestic Violence.” During the interview I talk openly about my life and how the violence and abuse have affected me. I am not completely comfortable yet sharing on this topic, and I don’t know if I ever really will be but I am trying really hard to be honest and open in the hope that I will stop feeling ashamed and embarrassed. I’ve also written a song which expresses my experiences living with domestic violence, from childhood through marriage. The song is called, I Won’t Cry.
Please feel free to share your story with me. I hope my honestly helps you.
This is the interview link:
I WON’T CRY on YouTube
I WON’T CRY on iTunes
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