Starting over……again

Dear Father,
I am moving today for the 7th time in 6 years.  I am nervous and sad to leave my house and move to this new place where I don’t know anyone.  Yesterday, I went and took my dog and cat and brought them to this new house, but first I drove to the cemetary where my son, Carmen, is buried (it is 2 minutes from my old house) and let my dog say good-bye to Carmen.  Carmen loved this dog and used to sleep with him.  This will be the last time the dog will be near the cemetary. The dog and the cat are both wide awake now at 3 am.  I know they are trying to figure out what the heck is going on.  

The first time I moved was a month after my husband of 28 years choked me in Oct. 2004.  I moved into one of our apartments.  Then I had to move into another one because that apartment needed too many repairs.  I repaired the apartment and moved back into it three months later, but I also filed for a legal separation from my husband.  Then after listening and trusting his many reconcilitiry promises, we got back together.  I dropped the separation.  Then in July 2005 he came to my apartment and beat and raped me.  I got a restraining order and he was indicted by a grand jury on 6 counts of rape and assault.  Filed for divorce and moved into a smaller apartment.  His attorney got a court ordrer to freeze our bank account, which cut me off from our savings.  I moved into a studio apartment.  I relinquished more and more of my belongings each time I moved.  Our divorce was final on February 14, 2006.  I got a bank loan and built a home of my own.  The bank loaned me money even though I did not have a job (my job for 28 years was in a family business with my husband).  My new home was 3000 sq. ft.  I am moving into this smaller house because I can not afford the mortgage payments on the house I built four years ago.  This house is only 800 sq. ft., but it has a big yard.  My unemployment ran out, too, and there aren’t any teaching jobs around.  I’ll probably get a job in a department store.

I feel like I am starting over……again.  And I am relinquishing yet another batch of belongings which I do not have room for in this new house.  I hope this is the last time I have to move, Father.  I hope I get to stay here and make this house my home.  The transition from being married to single (and an empty nester) has been such a difficult one for me.  I’ve struggled to create a new identity for myself, all the while feeling insecure because I’ve lacked a stable place to call home or the family and job I had for so many years. 

Please Father, I pray that you bless this move which I am about the make.  Grant that I may rest in the knowledge that this is will be my final move…..unless of course I move onto bigger and better things.  Then, I would surely welcome another move.             Starting Over   

Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.

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