No compromise

 

       harbor13 - Copy (2)

No compromise on some issues.  Have you ever been in a situation where you knew the correct, moral choice but still imagined what it would be like to compromise on your integrity?  I have to admit, there are times in my life when I find myself on the very edge of a temptation, teetering and contemplating, even imaging “what if?” just for the sake of realism.  However, my strong moral compass never fails me.  I am reminded that the most important thing in my life is to be able to look my own self in the mirror and to be proud of who I see.  I remember too well how forsaken and hopeless I felt about 25 years ago when I’d had too much to drink and made a complete fool out of myself.  Of course, I had to look at myself in the mirror the next day.  I was beyond embarrassed and full of self loathing.  I thought I was surely going to die of hopelessness.  I stood in the mirror and vowed to myself never, ever to compromise my integrity again.  That vow has remained as a steadfast best friend, never very far from my reality and life.  Although sometimes I imagine what giving into a temptation would be like, it just never happens.  I am grateful I have a strong character, one which I will not undermine by being weak.  There is no compromise on some issues.


Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.

The strategy of parenting

Good-parenting-quotes

I was visiting with my son, John, who is now almost 29 years old.  We sat in his living room,  remembering
things from when he was young.  He told me, “Do you remember that time when I was like 7 or 8 years old, and we were at the store, and then we left the store and when we got in the car you saw that I had a piece of candy.
Do you remember that you made me go back into the store and give it back?”

I looked at him and said, “I did?! Oh my, did I go in with
you?”

He said, “No, you waited in the car. I had to go in there, wait
in line by myself and give the candy back to the lady and say I was
sorry.”  He said he was glad I made him do that.

Honestly, I can barely remember this (it was almost 20 years ago), but I do.  I raised my kids to be accountable, or I tried to anyway.  Although there are probably plenty of things I didn’t do right, I’m glad I made him do that, too.

I think parenthood, at a fundamental level, is all about creating and following strategy toward a particular long-term goal which is attained through the life lessons we teach daily, from one moment to the next.  It’s a classroom of sorts.  When I was raising my kids I was always considering my long-term goal, which was to raise responsible, caring, respectful, creative, hard working, resourceful, brave, self-motivated people.  So, I would constantly assess my parenting and ask myself, “Am I guiding my child toward that particular goal.”  They’re all grown now, leading the lives I’d hoped and prayed they would.  Each one realizing his or her own individual greatest potential and following his or her own unique path.  I gave them the foundation which gave them the skills so they could become who they are today. I don’t know if they realize how much they amaze me and that in fact, they always have.


Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.

For Grieving Parents – you’re not alone

harbor24
I recently updated my website and while working on it I was inspired to add a new page dedicated to grieving parents (or anyone who is grieving actually).Here is a link to the new page:
For Grieving Parents

I’ve also written the text from the new page here on my Blog.  I offer a free gift to grieving parents.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

You happened on this page for a reason.
Regardless of whether or not you’ve lost a child or because you’re just curious, you are here.  Although I’ve dedicated this page to those of you who have lost a child/children, I offer my heart and compassion to anyone experiencing grief (that means all of us because not one person on earth has been spared the agony and pain of losing a loved one).   I hope my words of hope, compassion and kindness and my music help ease your pain. 

I became a grieving parent at approximately 5:20 pm August 7, 2008.
This is when my 20 year old son Carmen, driving home from his brother’s house, skidded into a tree and died.  Not only did my son loose his life that day, but it also signified the “death” of the life I knew.  He was here one minute and gone the next….no good-bye…..just gone.  I have to admit that up until that point I never even contemplated what it would be like to loose a child, and honestly I could never relate to people who had.  Sure, I felt sorry for “them,” and I always prayed to never loose one of mine, but I never ever thought about the fact that it could really happen to me.  I just niavely assumed I was somehow above this very common occurance (the same way I thought I’d never ever get divorced). I don’t know why I would ever assume these truths but I did, and I was blind sided.

When my son first passed away, I really wanted to die.  I wanted the pain I was in to stop.  My whole body ached.  My heart, mind, and soul were broken.  I was nothing but a shell of sorrow in the depths of a despair I never could have imagined.  Time is passing though regardless of whether I want it to.  In some ways it’s a good thing because I am
further and further away from those early days of losing him.  Yet, in others ways it’s not such a good thing because each new day takes me further and further away from the last time I talked to him, held him, told him I loved him, or seen him.  I can’t believe it’s been 5 1/2 years.  I found in the early days of losing him the very best I could do was to just get out of bed.  I made sure, even though I hated to, that I got up at least once a day (sometimes just to go to the bathroom).  I knew I didn’t really want to die even though I wanted the pain to stop.
I also still made time for my other children, who were suffering greatly.  It was so very difficult to try to support them when I needed support, though, and I don’t know if I did a very good job.  I am selfishly grateful my three other children were all in their 20’s and that they each were in long term relationships when this happened.   One of the hardest things I’ve found since he died has been trying to find meaning in my life.  Back then, my son (being my youngest) was my “meaning,” and I had to face the fact that now he was gone.  I also had just gone through a very difficult divorce after being married for decades.  On top of that my father died three weeks before my son.  I really had no idea why I even needed to be here anymore.  Miraculously, something deep inside me, deeper even than my grief, recognized that In
order to survive, I needed to find/create a reason.  Thus, my music was inspired into life.  I’d found a purpose!:  I would produce a CD of songs dedicated to my son for 1) him, so he would know how much I love him, 2) so he would not be forgotten and 3) so I could help other grieving people.

Play Music

Producing my CD became my reason for living and seeing the  songs  come to life at the studio helped my heart to begin to heal.  The music was the focus of my life, and I poured all my money, emotion and energy into it.  I was still a broken person, but I was also becoming a new person from the  ashes of my despair. This new journey I find myself on, that  of a mother carrying the memory of her dead child, has been the most gut wretching, sorrowful of my life but it has also been the most rewarding and the most spiritually uplifting
of my life, too.  Music and the purpose for it, is the reason I am still here today.  I’ve spent all of my savings to produce my music, and I wouIdn’t trade that for anything in the whole world.   There was a purpose for me, and it was to create and share my music.

So now here I am four years later.  I’ve gone from being newly
divorced, unemployed, grieving a child,  never writing or recording a song in my life and knowing zero about the music industry, to writing and producing three CDs, given countless radio and newspaper interviews, having my music played on radio stations around the world, creating an online presence that includes this website, my Blog, YouTube, Facebook,
Reverbnation, and selling my music in person and through my website and on iTunes and CD Baby.  Most importantly, however, is the fact that I have a way to provide comfort to other grieving parents.

All the while I was creating my music, I was also working tirelessly to simplify my personal life.  I can honestly say that I am living right now the most peaceful existence (which I share with my two cats and chickens that I raise)  I ever thought possible.  You know what though, I don’t think any of this would have been possible had I not lost my son
because losing him gave me a level of wisdom and understanding about the true meaning of “life is short.”  We really are only here for a sort time, and so we’d better be living the life we desire.  I have also acquired the essence of being truly grateful for every single minute I am alive.  I take nothing for granted and recognize my humble
connection to the rest of creation.    

                          Regardless of where you are in your journey, I want you to know that I am here for you.  I “get it.”  You can email me anytime and also look me up on Facebook.  I receive mail from people all over the world.  You are not alone.  I also want you to know that I have a gift for you. 

You see, my CD is produced for those who are grieving.  If you want to purchase Whisper On the Wind, you certainly may through my music page and/or you can also make a donation of any amount on my “you can help” page.  However if you want to receive the CD as a gift I will mail it to you.  My goal is simply to help you heal and music has just the specified qualities to help you do that.  My words are your words.  My emotions are your emotions.  I want you to have it whether you can afford to purchase it or not.

All you have to do is send me a message, request the CD in your message along with your mailing address, click submit, and I will send it to you free of charge.  I will offer this free gift as long as I have CDs and the money to ship them.  This is why donations in any amount really help.  I will contact you once I receive your message. 

GOD BLESS YOU, GUIDE YOU AND WATCH OVER YOU

 


 

 

 

Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.

Homemade bread warms any heart.

         breadI made bread today.  This is the same recipe my mom learned when she was a young girl.  She then taught it to me.  I in turn taught it to my daughter.  Now, I make the bread with my grandchildren.  There’s nothing like the smell of bread baking on a cold winter day and nothing like a piece of bread hot out of the oven covered with melting butter.  I have so many wonderful memories of making this bread when I was a young girl.

This is a really simple, inexpensive recipe.  I’ve never owned a bread machine, nor do I ever intend on buying one.  I love the process of kneading and letting the dough rise.  It’s a most rewarding activity on a quiet Friday night or a Sunday afternoon.  Keeps the house nice and warm too.

CHALE (EGG BREAD)

 
8 CUPS FLOUR (2 POUNDS)
2 YEAST CAKES
1/2 TEASPOON SUGAR
3/4 CUP LUKEWARM WATER
2 EGGS (LARGE)
1/2 CUP OIL
1 TABLESPOON SALT
1/3 CUP SUGAR
2 CUPS LUKEWARM WATER
 
Sift
flour into a large bowl.  In a small bowl crumble yeast with 1/2 teas.
sugar, in 3/4 cup lukewarm water and stir.  Let stand 5 minutes (cover
with a cloth).  Make a well in the flour and with a knife stir in yeast
mixture.  Let stand for a hal\f hour to rise.  Drop eggs, oil, salt and
sugar, and lukewarm water into well.  By hand mix and knead
for 10 minutes.  Knead thoroughly until
smooth and elastic.  Place in greased bowl and turn once to coat the
dough.  Cover bowl with damp cloth and let stand until almost double
(put the bowl in a warm place.  I turn on the oven and put the bowl on
my kitchen counter).  Punch down, knead again 2 minutes.  Let rise again
until almost double.  Punch down and knead again for a minute.  Then
cut the dough intostrands, three at a time.  Roll out the strands until they reach about 9 inches long each.  Then tag
the three at the top to each other and braid them.  Tag the ends
together.  Repeat making braided loaves with the remaining dough.  Place
loaves on greased pans or bread pans (I use both).  Let rise for
another hour.  Brush with beaten egg sprinkle with poppy or sesame seeds
(optional).  Place in cold oven (This is what the recipe says but I
don’t do it.  I preheat the oven).  Turn heat to 400, and then after 15
minutes reduce heat to 375.  Bake for 25 minutes longer until golden brown.
Remove from pan at once.  Cool on rack.
Let me know how your bread comes out.  Most importantly: enjoy!

Love,
Sharen

Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.

Poems for my son, Carmen (r.i.p.)

I wrote these poems a few weeks after my son died in 2008.  Honestly, some days are just better than others.

 

distant

poem

 



Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.

Positive no matter what.

Inspirational-Quotes-about-Happiness

Dear Reader:

I was thinking on the topic of people who have a positive perspective.  It seems like maybe there are people who might think that the reason other people can be upbeat and positive is because they have it easy.  Those people might say to themselves, “Geez, if that person had my health issues or my financial problems (etc.), he or she would never be able to keep that positive attitude.  Just let him stand in my shoes, and we’ll see how upbeat he can be.”

So I thought about this and something interesting occurred to me.  I don’t think that positive people are positive because they are spared obstacles or challenges, they are positive because they are confident that no matter what happens in their lives they will find and/or create solutions and options for themselves.  They make things happen.  This requires a strong mind and positive people know this. I think no matter what happens in their lives they are able to keep focused and find things to be grateful for.  For instance, instead of being devastated and depressed over losing a job, the positive person will absolutely recognize the challenge, maybe even initially be anxious about it, but rather than being consumed with despair they are disciplined and direct their focus toward being hopeful about how the change creates now possibilities and potentials and rather than blaming anyone else for the problem, they are grateful for whatever opportunity comes from it.

It might also be true that because positive people focus on positive, hopeful things the quality of their lives is more uplifting and positive and since the quality of their lives is more uplifting and positive they are able to find more things to be upbeat about.  It’s a win win.   Similarly, this concept works in the same way for those people who are negative, too.  If they focus on negative things then they’ll be more aware of negative things consequently they’ll find more negative things to focus on.  The quality of their lives will be negative.  It’s a loose loose.

Although it is a bit more complex than simply choosing a focus, a major component of staying positive is choosing to be so.

I know this (and hopefully you do, too) from my own life and how I’ve chosen to move myself forward from tragedies and challenges.  Although there have been times in my life when events have thrust me into doubt and despair, I never-the-less turn my focus to find my lamp of hope to light my way.  I do pray a lot (and I mean throughout every single day).  I ask for help from God or just throw the request out to the universe.  I am constantly aware of things to be grateful for; all of which helps keeps me centered and balanced.

PeLoJo
(Peace, Love, Joy)


Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.

MY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION: I am good enough!

My New Year’s resolution is different than anything I’ve ever attempted before.  It’s about adding a very simple phrase into my life.  The phrase is:
I AM THE LOVE

This phrase is absolutely going to change my life!  (and maybe change yours. too)

This is how the phrase came into my life:  I was kneeling and praying under the full moon last week, feeling completely surrounded and engulfed by the universe in the awareness of oneness.  My breathing was slow and gentle and with each breath it felt like I was breathing in and out the fullness of the oneness.  I was the oneness.  My arms stretched out to accompany the rhythm of my breathing  The words that followed were, “I am love.”  But then this changed to: “I am the love.”  I suppose the change of the words could be similar to saying, “I am the love I see in the world.” or “I am the love I want to see in the world.”
 
Thinking on this for a while it dawned on me that for as long as I could remember my spirit has been fully aware of and cooperating with this awareness of oneness.  Even as a young child I felt the nearness of God and my connectedness to all of creation. However, I could feel the oneness but I never
connected any words to this spiritual experience.  It was just kind of 
indescribable and impossible to relate to on a human level, never mind with words.    


At the same time, up until now
I could always speak the words “we are love,”  yet, I never really connected the phrase with the experience of oneness so the meaning was lost and relatively empty. 

Now, I can connect the experience of oneness to words.  This is a magnificent new level of awareness.  It changes me forever.  

I woke up from a sound sleep tonight repeating the words, “I Am,” pause, “The Love.”   I’ve decided that my New Year’s resolution is to change all of my inner dialogue to only repeating this simple phrase.  You see, dear reader, I have to admit that my self-talk (the dialogue we all have inside our own minds), is almost exclusively negative, doubtful and self-loathing regarding my physical appearance and my intelligence.  For example, when I look in the mirror, this is my self-talk: “Wow, I am getting old.”  “Omg, just look at how much my body is changing.”  “I need a facelift.”  “I need to exercise more.”  “I am fat.”  “I am gross.”  I am ugly.”  “My hair looks nasty.”  “God, my circles are so dark.”  “How can I cover up everything I hate?”  etc., etc., etc.  I also find myself constantly calling myself names like, “stupid” and “retarded” and “crazy” and “idiot.”

It’s funny you know, when I see a picture of myself, I think, “Oh wow, I look pretty there.”  I swear though, this is not the same person I see when I look in the mirror.  It confuses me because of course I know that I am the person in the picture.  Regardless however of what I perceive of the picture, my perception of myself is not a good one.  There is a serious disconnect in my thoughts between my perception of the pure enlightened soul which dwells in my body and how I perceive my human self.  I have finally been granted the awareness to recognize this disconnect.  This awareness is knowledge and knowledge is power.  This knowledge gives me the power to change my life.  My New Year’s resolution is to  never again engage in negative self-talk.  I will replace it with the beautiful, eternal words, “I AM THE LOVE.” 

I guess it really comes down to constantly feeling like I am not good enough.  I don’t think I look “good enough” nor do I think I can think “good enough.”  How or why I ever developed this low sense of self-worth is not important at this stage in my life.  All I know is that I have a totally unrealistic perception of myself and that it is my responsibility to myself to rebuild my self image.   

You see, everything in our reality is a direct reflection of what we emanate from ourselves.  Our reality is simply a mirror image of what we perceive within us.  Therefore, the love I want to see in the world is a direct reflection of how much love I perceive toward my own self.   Let the love I want to see in the world begin with me.  

I hope you will try this, too.  From this day forward make a vow to listen to your inner voice and really try and hear the words.  Create the person you want to be, one phrase at a time. 

PeLoJo to all
(PEace LOve JOy)     

(P.S. it is now two days later, and I’ve been using this phrase a lot.  I really think it is going to change my life.)

  

        

Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.

Chin up

There have been so
many changes in my life over the past five years, from my divorce, losing my son, losing my properties, my savings, my jewelry, losing my pets, my job, my businesses, my dad and step-dad, an empty nest, my health, and moving 7 times. 

I had a good run of like 20 years when my life was
kind of insulated from great loss then, bang….one thing then another
and another, leaving me rather shell-shocked about engaging myself in life again. I’ve learned that it
‘s about taking small steps each year not leaping and boundig which define and cement into place the foundation of a new life.

All these changes make the holidays, well at the very least, different.  I know there are lots and lots of people trying their
best (like I am) to deal with grief and loss through the holidays as well as throughout the year.  Chin up, I say, because today is a new
day. Focus on today (not yesterday, not tomorrow) just today and
everything will be ok.
Lots of love to everyone.



Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.

Another Christmas without my son

Ok..it’s Christmas.  I’m happy about it, but my kids are all grown and off on their own.  All the years of creating Christmas for others leaves me with little knowledge of what to do with myself now that everyone can make their own Christmas.  Sure, I’ve been invited to come over numerous homes and celebrate today, but I want my own family in my own house and that doesn’t happen anymore.  In fact, my kids went to my ex-husband’s house last night for a Christmas Eve family get-together.  It’s weird to me that after 35 years with him, that it’s now him and his girlfriend who throw these get-togethers.  It’s not a bad thing, and I’m not angry; it’s just different, and I’m not quite sure what to do with myself.  I know there are millions and millions of divorced, widowed and grieving people out there who probably feel the same way I do.  It takes so much strength (physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially) to start over.  I just try and take one day at a time and make a vow to myself everyday not to waste the day lamenting about the past, be it about my son in heaven or my marriage or my youth.  Today is all I can call my own.  These are the foundation days of my new life.             

So, last night (Christmas Eve) before I went to sleep I decided I would go to the casino today and spend my day at the nickel slot machine.  You see, I really only have $21 to spend, and I only have a 1/4 of a tank of gas so I can’t go far.  I didn’t even have the money to buy anyone any presents, so it’s better if I just go to the casino today. 

Today is just one day.  I miss my son so much and can’t believe that this is the 5th Christmas since he died.  I will be strong though and get up and out of the house.  Soon today will be the past and tomorrow will be a brand new day. I’ll probably visit the cemetery later on.   

Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.

Another Christmas without my son

Ok..it’s Christmas.  I’m happy about it, but my kids are all grown and off on their own.  All the years of creating Christmas for others leaves me with little knowledge of what to do with myself now that everyone can make their own Christmas.  Sure, I’ve been invited to come over numerous homes and celebrate today, but I want my own family in my own house and that doesn’t happen anymore.  In fact, my kids went to my ex-husband’s house last night for a Christmas Eve family get-together.  It’s weird to me that after 35 years with him, that it’s now him and his girlfriend who throw these get-togethers.  It’s not a bad thing, and I’m not angry; it’s just different, and I’m not quite sure what to do with myself.  I know there are millions and millions of divorced, widowed and grieving people out there who probably feel the same way I do.  It takes so much strength (physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially) to start over.  I just try and take one day at a time and make a vow to myself everyday not to waste the day lamenting about the past, be it about my son in heaven or my marriage or my youth.  Today is all I can call my own.  These are the foundation days of my new life.             

So, last night (Christmas Eve) before I went to sleep I decided I would go to the casino today and spend my day at the nickel slot machine.  You see, I really only have $21 to spend, and I only have a 1/4 of a tank of gas so I can’t go far.  I didn’t even have the money to buy anyone any presents, so it’s better if I just go to the casino today.

Today is just one day.  I miss my son so much and can’t believe that this is the 5th Christmas since he died.  I will be strong though and get up and out of the house.  Soon today will be the past and tomorrow will be a brand new day. I’ll probably visit the cemetery later on.    ScannedImage

Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.