When did faithfulness become an obsolete word? Has it always been this way and if so, why is it this way? How can someone claiming to be commited in a relationship not honor the relationship? And also, how can anyone stay in a relationship if they are reduced to the disrespectfulness of cheating? Yes, I am wondering about the topic of cheating. I admit I was innocent and niave about this topic, since my only experience was one of being with the same man (my ex) for 36 of my 50 years. Now that I am a single person, I am learning so much on so many levels about myself and about the world I live in. To be perfectly honest, though, a lot of what I am learning is that the world is a cold and callous place where it is almost impossible to know who to trust and also a place where so many of the ideals I value are not valued by others. Although cheating occurs and is true for both men and women, I can really only speak honestly from my own experiences. I am not judging anyone, but I am very, very perplexed by what I am learning.
Now that I am single, I am often approached by men asking if I would go out with them. This is fine with me, and I am happy about that. However, I am finding that many of these men are already in relationships (be it married, separated, engaged, or with girlfriends) when they ask me to go out with them. I am very, very perplexed by these advances, and I have to always ask myself, “Why would someone who is already in a committed relationship make advances to someone outside of the relationship?” From my perspective, this goes against everything I know and believe to be true about being faithful and loyal to someone. I think about my life with my ex, and the thought of ever straying from my commitment to him never entered my mind. First of all, I loved him but equally important were the vows to be faithful and loyal to him with my heart, my mind and my body. I thoroughly expected no less from him.
I don’t understand how someone could claim to be committed to someone else, in whatever capacity, and then think it fine to start up a relationship wtih someone else. To me, it just seems that if someone is not being faithful then they need to own up to how they feel and either create an open/honest relationship with the person they are with or they should just get out of that one before attempting to create a new one. To me, it lacks integrity and respect for everyone involved. I think it’s sad because the wives, fiances, and girlfriends do not know that these men are making advances to other women, but even sadder is the fact that these men tell me it doesn’t matter and that it’s really not a big deal at all. Where is the integrity? I say, get out and away from anything that compromises your integrity.
Learning about the callous nature of cheating has been an education on what I consider the harsh realities of life, one which, from the protection of my own commited relationship, I was never exposed to until now. I feel that cheating dishonors the concept of marriage and commitment and removes any value we could possibly place on either one of them. I mean, what purpose is there in being in a marriage or a committed relationship when you’re not committed and you’re being deceitful? I say it’s time to reaccess the relationship you are in and move on before you compromise your own integrity by becoming a liar and a cheat, and before you hurt the people around you by lying and cheating on them. Yes, there may be hurt if you leave the relationship, but leave the relationship with your integrity intact. This is respect for yourself and the people around you.
Even though this new knowledge disheartens me, it has only reinforced my belief that being faithful to someone is a distinctively beautiful and wonderful state to be in. I am thinking now, from my single women vantage point, that it is a lot more rare than I ever knew, maybe like a rare flower or gemstone whose delicate nature needs to be cherished, protected, and appreciated. Those of you, men and women who are blessed with such a relationship, I hope you recognize the worth of what you already have. If you find yourself straying outside of this commitment, do the whole world a favor and preserve and honor the nature of committment by moving on.
And from another side, I wonder why anyone would get involved with someone who is already committed to someone else? This perplexes me tremendously. What could you possibly be thinking? That he or she will leave their relationship for you? If that’s the case, why would you ever want to be the reason for a break-up? And what happens if you find you don’t like that person in a year yet you were the reason for the break-up. Could you live with the knowledge that you were the cause? Also, that person who is already commited to someone else and possibly a whole other family, will never be able to share holidays or any special occasions with you because the relationship with you will be hidden as if it were something to be ashamed of. You will always be last on the list of priorities. Why would being last ever, ever be enough for you? Let these people who lure you into relationships while they are already in one get there own situations straightened out before you agree to start a relationship with them. If by some reason you were lied to and didn’t know they were already in a relationship, do the noble, honorable thing and call it off when you find out. Have respect for yourself & all the people involved. Think of the hurt you will cause to yourself and others. Expect more & know that you deserve more out of life than to be in a relationship with someone else’s man or women. Get your own.
Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.