The strategy of parenting

Good-parenting-quotes

I was visiting with my son, John, who is now almost 29 years old.  We sat in his living room,  remembering
things from when he was young.  He told me, “Do you remember that time when I was like 7 or 8 years old, and we were at the store, and then we left the store and when we got in the car you saw that I had a piece of candy.
Do you remember that you made me go back into the store and give it back?”

I looked at him and said, “I did?! Oh my, did I go in with
you?”

He said, “No, you waited in the car. I had to go in there, wait
in line by myself and give the candy back to the lady and say I was
sorry.”  He said he was glad I made him do that.

Honestly, I can barely remember this (it was almost 20 years ago), but I do.  I raised my kids to be accountable, or I tried to anyway.  Although there are probably plenty of things I didn’t do right, I’m glad I made him do that, too.

I think parenthood, at a fundamental level, is all about creating and following strategy toward a particular long-term goal which is attained through the life lessons we teach daily, from one moment to the next.  It’s a classroom of sorts.  When I was raising my kids I was always considering my long-term goal, which was to raise responsible, caring, respectful, creative, hard working, resourceful, brave, self-motivated people.  So, I would constantly assess my parenting and ask myself, “Am I guiding my child toward that particular goal.”  They’re all grown now, leading the lives I’d hoped and prayed they would.  Each one realizing his or her own individual greatest potential and following his or her own unique path.  I gave them the foundation which gave them the skills so they could become who they are today. I don’t know if they realize how much they amaze me and that in fact, they always have.


Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.

For Grieving Parents – you’re not alone

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I recently updated my website and while working on it I was inspired to add a new page dedicated to grieving parents (or anyone who is grieving actually).Here is a link to the new page:
For Grieving Parents

I’ve also written the text from the new page here on my Blog.  I offer a free gift to grieving parents.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

You happened on this page for a reason.
Regardless of whether or not you’ve lost a child or because you’re just curious, you are here.  Although I’ve dedicated this page to those of you who have lost a child/children, I offer my heart and compassion to anyone experiencing grief (that means all of us because not one person on earth has been spared the agony and pain of losing a loved one).   I hope my words of hope, compassion and kindness and my music help ease your pain. 

I became a grieving parent at approximately 5:20 pm August 7, 2008.
This is when my 20 year old son Carmen, driving home from his brother’s house, skidded into a tree and died.  Not only did my son loose his life that day, but it also signified the “death” of the life I knew.  He was here one minute and gone the next….no good-bye…..just gone.  I have to admit that up until that point I never even contemplated what it would be like to loose a child, and honestly I could never relate to people who had.  Sure, I felt sorry for “them,” and I always prayed to never loose one of mine, but I never ever thought about the fact that it could really happen to me.  I just niavely assumed I was somehow above this very common occurance (the same way I thought I’d never ever get divorced). I don’t know why I would ever assume these truths but I did, and I was blind sided.

When my son first passed away, I really wanted to die.  I wanted the pain I was in to stop.  My whole body ached.  My heart, mind, and soul were broken.  I was nothing but a shell of sorrow in the depths of a despair I never could have imagined.  Time is passing though regardless of whether I want it to.  In some ways it’s a good thing because I am
further and further away from those early days of losing him.  Yet, in others ways it’s not such a good thing because each new day takes me further and further away from the last time I talked to him, held him, told him I loved him, or seen him.  I can’t believe it’s been 5 1/2 years.  I found in the early days of losing him the very best I could do was to just get out of bed.  I made sure, even though I hated to, that I got up at least once a day (sometimes just to go to the bathroom).  I knew I didn’t really want to die even though I wanted the pain to stop.
I also still made time for my other children, who were suffering greatly.  It was so very difficult to try to support them when I needed support, though, and I don’t know if I did a very good job.  I am selfishly grateful my three other children were all in their 20’s and that they each were in long term relationships when this happened.   One of the hardest things I’ve found since he died has been trying to find meaning in my life.  Back then, my son (being my youngest) was my “meaning,” and I had to face the fact that now he was gone.  I also had just gone through a very difficult divorce after being married for decades.  On top of that my father died three weeks before my son.  I really had no idea why I even needed to be here anymore.  Miraculously, something deep inside me, deeper even than my grief, recognized that In
order to survive, I needed to find/create a reason.  Thus, my music was inspired into life.  I’d found a purpose!:  I would produce a CD of songs dedicated to my son for 1) him, so he would know how much I love him, 2) so he would not be forgotten and 3) so I could help other grieving people.

Play Music

Producing my CD became my reason for living and seeing the  songs  come to life at the studio helped my heart to begin to heal.  The music was the focus of my life, and I poured all my money, emotion and energy into it.  I was still a broken person, but I was also becoming a new person from the  ashes of my despair. This new journey I find myself on, that  of a mother carrying the memory of her dead child, has been the most gut wretching, sorrowful of my life but it has also been the most rewarding and the most spiritually uplifting
of my life, too.  Music and the purpose for it, is the reason I am still here today.  I’ve spent all of my savings to produce my music, and I wouIdn’t trade that for anything in the whole world.   There was a purpose for me, and it was to create and share my music.

So now here I am four years later.  I’ve gone from being newly
divorced, unemployed, grieving a child,  never writing or recording a song in my life and knowing zero about the music industry, to writing and producing three CDs, given countless radio and newspaper interviews, having my music played on radio stations around the world, creating an online presence that includes this website, my Blog, YouTube, Facebook,
Reverbnation, and selling my music in person and through my website and on iTunes and CD Baby.  Most importantly, however, is the fact that I have a way to provide comfort to other grieving parents.

All the while I was creating my music, I was also working tirelessly to simplify my personal life.  I can honestly say that I am living right now the most peaceful existence (which I share with my two cats and chickens that I raise)  I ever thought possible.  You know what though, I don’t think any of this would have been possible had I not lost my son
because losing him gave me a level of wisdom and understanding about the true meaning of “life is short.”  We really are only here for a sort time, and so we’d better be living the life we desire.  I have also acquired the essence of being truly grateful for every single minute I am alive.  I take nothing for granted and recognize my humble
connection to the rest of creation.    

                          Regardless of where you are in your journey, I want you to know that I am here for you.  I “get it.”  You can email me anytime and also look me up on Facebook.  I receive mail from people all over the world.  You are not alone.  I also want you to know that I have a gift for you. 

You see, my CD is produced for those who are grieving.  If you want to purchase Whisper On the Wind, you certainly may through my music page and/or you can also make a donation of any amount on my “you can help” page.  However if you want to receive the CD as a gift I will mail it to you.  My goal is simply to help you heal and music has just the specified qualities to help you do that.  My words are your words.  My emotions are your emotions.  I want you to have it whether you can afford to purchase it or not.

All you have to do is send me a message, request the CD in your message along with your mailing address, click submit, and I will send it to you free of charge.  I will offer this free gift as long as I have CDs and the money to ship them.  This is why donations in any amount really help.  I will contact you once I receive your message. 

GOD BLESS YOU, GUIDE YOU AND WATCH OVER YOU

 


 

 

 

Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.