For grieving parents

I get many, many emails from grieving parents
(especially from mothers) from all over the world who find my videos for my son on Youtube or hear my
music on my website or read my Blog. I got emails today from two grieving mothers, one
from Washington and the other from Texas. They each saw my video for my son on Youtube and wrote to me to share about their loss.
Here is one of my emails:

“Hi Sharen,would you mind if I used your song in a video I made for my
son. His name is————- and he lost his life in a motorcycle
accident in Fl. in 2008. He was 23. I have cried for the last 5 years
and felt so alone, reading your blog and hearing your song (I can’t
believe your gone) has made me realize that I’m not all alone in my
feelings and that someone can understand. Matthew was my only child and I
miss him every single breath I take, when I am able to breath. He was
my oxygen. I always told him, if Matthew dies mommy dies. But some how I
find myself stuck here in a world I don’t understand. This is a whole
new world to me with out my son in it. You have put all my feelings and
thoughts of my son into your song, this is the first time I have been
able to shed tears for anyone besides my own son. I look at the pictures
of your beautiful son and cry for you and him, and my son. I have been
unable to go to any kind of counciling or therapy as I felt that no one
could possibly understand the bond I had with my son. Your blog and song
has made the pain I feel a little more bearable. Thank you for sharing
your story and you music with the world. It has made it a better place.
Best wishes for you. And thanks again.”

Although the pain of
losing my son is always with me, I’m grateful I can be a voice of
empathy and compassion for heartbroken parents. Sadly, I can relate.

Youtube video of my song:

I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE GONE



Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.

Autonomy

Autonomy (Ancient Greek: αὐτονομία autonomia from αὐτόνομος autonomos from αὐτο- auto- “self” + νόμος nomos, “law”, hence when combined understood to mean “one who gives oneself their own law“) is a concept found in moral, political, and bioethical philosophy. Within these contexts, it is the capacity of a rational individual to make an informed, un-coerced decision. In moral and political philosophy,
autonomy is often used as the basis for determining moral
responsibility for one’s actions. One of the best known philosophical
theories of autonomy was developed by Kant. In medicine, respect for the autonomy of patients is an important goal of deontology, though it can conflict with a competing ethical principle, namely beneficence. Autonomy is also used to refer to the self-government of the people.

We all live and share our lives with someone or something.  Even if you live alone, you still share this planet with the rest of us, including all the animals and plants.  As adults, we alone are responsible for the content of our lives.  Keeping this in mind, I can, however empathize deeply with anyone who feels overpowered or trapped.  You see, I felt that way for many, many years in an abusive marriage.  However, I also recognize the fact that I choose to stay married.  I understood my reasons, and I knew the consequences of my choices.  I finally mustered up the strength to leave but that decision had tough consequences on my life and on the lives of my family as well.  Think
through all your choices and decisions carefully, aware of how your
actions will ripple through the fabric of your life. Then make your
choice. There should be no regret for you own that decision.
         

For me, some of the ways I describe freedom are:
1) Not making demands on anyone, just living my life, being productive and being able to take care of myself.
2) Being aware of the occurrences in each precious moment and knowing that I own my existence.
3) Sharing and offering from my slice of life in anyway I can, be it
in patience, kindness, compassion, gentleness, joyfulness, etc.
4) Balance
5) Carefully weighing my choices and making decisions I can live with.

Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.

Mother’s Day and missing my son

    Mother’s Day is coming up once again. I was wondering what was
wrong with me though, for you see I’ve been thinking about my son a lot
more over the past few days and feeling upset and missing him a lot, and
I didn’t know why. I keep “seeing” him in little boys I see with their
moms or teenage boys who are about the age he was when he died. This was bothering me a lot because I didn’t know why I was being so sensitive, and
also I can’t seem to get away from it. Then today I remembered that Mother’s Day is
coming up and now I know why. This happens to me every time there is a
holiday or an anniversary or a change of season or a special song on the
radio, etc. So much in life reminds me of him (or rather reminds me
that he’s not here).

For me, Mother’s Day is not only a day for all of us to remember our
mothers, but also a day of humble appreciation for the fact of having
been blessed with motherhood. My perspective is that bringing children
into the world grants us the ultimate responsibility of nurturing,
loving, guiding and molding new life. I’ve always recognized, respected,
and honored my role, taken it quite seriously in fact, with thoughtful
consideration, strategy and great care. This is not to say that in
raising four children I did everything “right” or that there were not
times during the utter chaos and drama when I’d find myself doubting the
how or why of my choices to bring four children into the world.
Regardless of the situation however, my maternal bond overpowered each
and every doubt. With Mother’s Day upon us (and this being the fourth
since my son has died) I find the meaning of this day especially bitter
sweet: bitter in knowing one of my children will not be able to pick up
the phone to say “Hi, Mum,” and sweet for the abundant love that
overflows from my heart for each of my children, including my son in
Heaven, and for the unique blessings that each has brought into my life.

All three of my children are now off and living their own lives, two of
them raising families of their own (and doing a superb job at it!). My
blessings continue as they have also given me four beautiful
granddaughters. Honestly, however I long to hear the voice of the child
who can not pick up the phone. The void that’s been left in my heart
feels immense and overwhelming this week and no amount of gratefulness
or positive thinking seems to be able to fill it the way it usually
does. Yes, remembering my blessings helps to ease the pain and dull the
longing but believe me when I say that it takes all my strength right
now. I’m sure many of you know exactly what I am talking about here,
too.

I am blessed with a good life and beautiful, healthy children. My own
mother thankfully is still with us, and I will make time to visit her on
or before Mother’s Day. For my son in Heaven, Carmen, I will set aside a
part of my Mother’s Day to be with just you, in the quiet stillness of
prayer, making sure you know what a blessing you were and are for me in
my life. I’m grateful for our 20 years even though an eternity would
still not have been enough time with you.


Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.

Hopeful

                                       

Although
I am blessed with inner peace, my life is oftentimes complicated,
unpredictable and unusual. These qualities are common in my life and
always have been because I’m always, always challenging myself and
adventurously charting new voyages to ensure that I make the most of my gift
of my earthly existence. Honestly, I’m not always sure of myself (mostly because I have no idea generally where these voyages will take me), yet I
persevere regardless, remaining unshakably hopeful and positive that I
will be blessed in some way by whatever or whoever crosses my path.  I’m never still, I curiously flitter about wondering what lies just around the next bend in life.  I ask “why” all the time and welcome all opportunities to reflect on emotions and motivations.  Life is like a water well that never runs dry – it offers a never ending flow of possibility until our dying breath.  This is my life I am referring to though.  I am empathetic to the plight of so many millions of people who live and die each day, week, and year enslaved or imprisoned, living life void of hope.  They will all be free one day and their hope will be restored.  I wish everyone Peace, Love, and Joy, PeLoJo.


   

Sharen Wendy Robertson owns the copyright to all posts on this Blog.